I have long observed that Samantha Carter is not comfortable with emotion. Yet, despite that, or perhaps because of it, she has great need for the anchor of touch. It is a very human need, I believe, for I have observed this about many of my human friends. Always, I have tried to be her anchor when needed. Always, I was honored when she shared her feelings with me, knowing that I would not think less of her as a scientist, soldier, or woman. Thus, with Daniel Jackson and Vala Mal Doran becoming lovers, Cameron Mitchell venting constant anger, and General Landry being her superior officer, I alone on board could provide her with the physical contact she needed.
I knew her heart was with O’Neill. I also knew he would not resent our friendship. I provided nothing more than a hand on the shoulder, a touch on the arm to call her to dinner, a hug when her failure to find a solution drove her to frustration and anger. For ten years it went no further.
It was despair that led her to my quarters on the anniversary of Cassandra’s birthday. “I’m not smart enough, Teal’c,” she confessed. “I can’t find the answer.” I held her while she cried. She grieved for many things that night. She grieved for her inability to free us. She grieved for us, her companions, trapped on the ship, our lives wasting away day by day. She grieved the loss of her youth and career. She grieved the loss of O’Neill. “You’re the only one who never left me,” she whispered. “Daniel died… and Jack went to Washington. But you were always there for me…”
“As I am now, Samantha,” I replied.
It was the first night we spent together.
Our relationship grew for forty years. We found love and understanding. It made both our lives meaningful. I taught her to meditate; she taught me much about science and the universe.
When at last in her brilliance she found the solution to turn back time; she made me promise that I would tell her what had happened between us. She did not wish to lose what we had together for so many years.
I place great value on my honesty, but this promise I will not keep. I love Samantha Carter with all that I am, but so, too, does my brother, O’Neill. I know she loves him in return. Because of my love for her, I must give her the freedom to pursue a relationship with him. The truth would merely confuse and conflict her.
Samantha and I lived a lifetime together in the blink of an eye, in the time it took O’Neill to take a breath. I love them both, and I hope they find great happiness together. If not, I will be waiting for her with a touch, a hug, and a lifetime of memories to share.
Good things come to those who wait.
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